My family and I spent a few days a couple weeks back at a church camp in northern North Dakota. It's a place my husband's family has spent many years attending, and we've snuck away a few times in the past few years to attend.
This was the first time since our younger daughter was born that we were able to go, and it was the longest period of time we've spent there in our life together. The speakers were interesting. The activities were fun. The four of us were able to spend more time together - and eat more meals together - than we have in months. Overall, we had a great time.
But as we were driving the two-plus hours home, my husband remarked, "I think I'd be more rested if we had stayed home."
It's a common thing for families with livestock: We don't take many vacations where all four of us get to go. The girls and I have gone to Montana a few times, leaving my husband at home with his work. We've gotten away a few times for a night or two to places not too far away, and probably once or twice a year my husband manages to find help to allow him to go to Montana with us. It's been more than six years since we made a trip east to see his beloved Minnesota Twins.
It's partly because there's so much work to be done at home. Every season brings new tasks. But it's also partly because it causes so much mental stress to be away.
ADVERTISEMENT
Are the cows out? Are they out of feed? Shouldn't we be haying instead of sitting in the shade in a lawn chair watching the kids play in the water? How is all of the work going to get done?
I tease my husband about his inability to disconnect from his work. But I'm used to it.
Growing up, my family would, most summers, head four hours away to a resort with a golf course, hot springs and assorted other activities to enjoy for a few days. We always had a good time, and it definitely was a good opportunity to recharge. But I distinctly remember the eye rolls and groans from Mom and Grandma when Dad and Grandpa would start talking in the car about the progress some random farmer was making on second cutting or irrigating, obviously wondering if they should be doing the same rather than playing 18 holes that day or sitting in the hot tub.
I get it. I check emails regularly even when I'm not working, and I read news like a person obsessed, which I may be. But I do find some rejuvenation in a few days of not working, of not having to be completely "on," which my husband does not find.
A few days away means a few days farther behind on haying. A few days where something might go wrong when no one's watching. A few days of feeling guilty about the work left behind undone.
So, it's harder on him to "get away" than it is to stay and work. Fencing and baling hay and fixing whatever breaks really are easier tasks for him than sitting still and eating meals at normal times. Relaxation comes in strange forms.
I guess it means he loves what he does, so much so that it pains him to think that he's not doing it to the best of his ability. There are worse things than that.
But still, if anyone has found a way to make a farmer or rancher hit the off switch once in awhile, could you share your secret with me?
