Springtime is sale time for those of us in rural areas: Bull sales, livestock sales and farm sales. A veritable three-ring circus.
I've been to many types of auctions - silent, retirement, antique and so on. But they do not really prepare you for the aforementioned.
The first thing I noticed at the random farm sales were: 1) the lack of equal numbers of women to men; and 2) the food was usually good. It didn't take me long to figure out that, depending on where you live, this is generally "a man's world" - a wonderfully mysterious place full of treasures that man simply cannot live without (and, on occasion, neither can his wife).
Lessons learned at these sales:
1) It is generally considered bad form to leap in front of your man and holler "He's Done!" when he raises his hand again (even though he TOLD you to stop him!). Apparently the auctioneers tend to remember people's faces and will cheerfully put the man on the spot at the next 10 sales and ask, "Are you sure? Is it OK with her?"
ADVERTISEMENT
2) I also learned that you really, really have to listen to the auctioneer or else it's very easy to get into a pile of trouble. Once I spied a box of duck decoys and thought to myself they would be fabulous painted and bejeweled and in my goose pond. I kept raising my hand and WON! The auctioneer asked, did I want them all? Yes. As I headed up to get my bounty, the hubs jumps up and says I only wanted ONE, because that's what I got. NOT the lot of 'em. Turns out "choice" means "one." Either way, my goose got a cool pond mate.
3)The bull sale. More than just a sale, it's a social event for all ages. From toddlers to grandpas and in-between. Many folks treat it like a Saturday night and come all decked out. I've seen everything from faded jeans tucked into boots and baseball hats to full-blown turquoise belt buckles, high riding heels and Stetsons. And that's just the men!
4) The sales catalogs are better and glossier than a fashion magazine. They also have more numbers than trying to read the financial page. Did I mention every single critter looks like it's been blow dried? Big. Fluffy. Beautiful. About the only thing I do know for sure, is that you shouldn't rely on the picture. Just because the big boy looks good doesn't mean he's the right one for you.
Buying a bull is serious business and not to be taken lightly. When the bidding starts you'd better pay attention or you will miss the one you want.
5) And then there's the sale barn. Many have cafés attached to them, where the men folk gather to solve the world's problems and tell tall tales. In the ring there is good-natured talk of the merits of the various breeds and lively discussions of who's got what. The sights, sounds and smells are comforting to seller and buyer alike.
6) Another lesson learned at the sale barn was that when you are dropping off the "pet" calves you raised - and trained to act like dogs and come when called - one should never hang out the pickup truck window while hub's unloading them. Or tell them they'll be OK, they're just getting new playmates, and to be good for the man. "The man" in the corral will look at you like you're crazy and smirk at the hubby.
And don't talk with your hands!
Editor's note: Learn more about Tait and Kate by visiting their blog at www.taitandkate.com .
